| Mexys |
[25 Nov 2009|06:13pm] |
On Monday, a few notable things happened.
1. I recovered my first ladder from those devious Mexys
2. I pulled my gun out for the 2nd time and
3. I caught my largest group to date since being with the Border Patrol
To start with, I wasn't even supposed to be in the field. This week I am in Division 4 which; means that I am supposed to be inside doing all the boring ass paperwork processing on the chumps we catch. I hate this part of my job. I understand its importance, I know it is good to know how to do it, but I hate it.
When I found out that I was supposed to cover for a fellow co-worker who had to go do some training for 2 1/2 hours I was super excited (Despite that fact that it meant I would be sitting on an X where Mexys rarely cross.)
I drive out to what is known as the "Echoes" since, it is on the East side of our area of responsibility and park my ride near an area called Druckers. At this point, I am expecting a long long two hours of listening to the radio, eating snacks, and talking on the phone since... seriously, almost nothing crosses out there.
In fact, previous to Monday I think I had caught a total of 6 people this entire year in the echoes which; sucks balls.
I call my girlfriend and listen to her tell me about how good she did on her tests at PIMA because, she got like a 100% and a 98% and if you knew how hard her tests were you would know that in itself is pretty crazy. So halfway through talking to her, I see Mexys running across the road like, 200 yards west from where I am parked.
Begrudgingly I told her I had to go and got ready to speed over to where they were attempting to put a ladder up. I was fully expecting them to turn back South as soon as I put my vehicle in drive since the lights automatically turn on but no, they stayed.
I pulled up right next to the Primary fence to Mexico and started increasing my speed. When I got to about 70 I thought for SURE they would Turn back south but nope, they were still by the secondary. It wasn't until I was within like 40 feet of them that they started to run back and due to my impressive speed... I very nearly flattened them when they ran in front of my truck.
I slammed on the brakes and before my car was anywhere near a complete stop I put it in park and jumped out while it was still moving a little. I managed to rip one guy off the fence trying to climb back south and just missed the second one.
The problem was, I didn't know when I drove up but... there were three more sitting on the fence waiting to go. So now a total of four were looking down at me and yelling at me to let there friend go. At which point I pulled my gun out, and not my PLS gun, but my "life ending bullet shooting soul crushing" gun and told them to get the fuck off my fence.
They did not.
So I politely told them that if they wanted to throw rocks at me, that was fine, but I would shoot them in the face before the rock left their hand.
This made them leave.
And I picked their friend up, searched him, put him inside the back cage of my truck and drove over to the fence where I recovered this:
Notice the top of it has a mesh screen on it. They MacGuyvered that on there so that when they get to the top, that pushes down the Prison style Concertina barbwire we have strung across our fence and doesn't cut them up as a result. In total the ladder was probably 25 feet long and possibly made out of an old pool skimmer. Sort of ingenius though.
The reason they were crossing where they did is because it is literally right underneath where our Remote Video Surveillance camera poles are. So they figured the camera would not see them since it would have to look straight down or, view them from a camera way far away. However, they did not count on the excellent eye sight of one Chad M. Nelson.
That is a good story, and that is where the night should have ended since once again... I wasn't even supposed to be out there. Around 8:30 my co-worker came back and I told him what happened. He was a little upset because that meant probably no one else would cross which meant I got all the fun. So we laughed and I started to drive back west towards the station.
I got about 10 feet before our dispatch announced that we might have a group at an area known as WasherWomans.
Well now, that area technically is on my way to the station so I figured I would "help" because I am a caring individual that likes to lend a hand (and get out of processing whenever I fucking can).
I was at Druckers which; you can see on the map below, and there should have been agents at Echo-1, 8-11, and 12-13. However, despite driving from very crazy far away, I still managed to be the first one there. And by this time our Remote Camera Operators had announced that it was good for at least 9 people.
And I was like, SWEET!
In order to understand my job a little bit you need to understand the area. Basically it is a canyon, and at the bottom of the canyon is an area known as "The Swamp" because it is literally, gross stagnant water in the middle with a bunch of dense trees, and prickly cactus shit, and it sucks. Also, there are no lights except the moon and there are Mountain Lions and it is awesome.
I start running along a trail on the North side of the Swamp because whenever you chase Mexys all you really have to do is find the path of least resistance and that is where they will be going. So after running for a minute or two I see two people and say "Hey, stop" and surprisingly they do because, they are both girls and got left behind from the rest of the group. So I handcuff them, and lie them on the side of the hill and say "Don't move" and then run off after the other Mexys.
After running for a little bit our Remote Camera Operator says "Hey, Agent on the North side of the hill." So I start to wave my hands so they can tell if it is me and they say "Yeah you, you've got bodies straight south of you, should be three."
I look down into the tree area and sure enough, I see two people trying to be sneaky. So I walk towards them and say "Ok, get up, hands on your neck, hurry up"
And two stand up, but I know there is another one so in Spanish I yell "COME ON, ALL OF YOU, GET UP, COME HERE" and sure enough, the third one pops out. So I am thinking thats a wrap when I hear more movement so once again, in Spanish I say "EVERYONE, QUICKLY, COME HERE"
And a fourth one appears from whereever he was hiding. And then a fifth one. And I am like, holy crap.
I get all five of them together, and walk them back on the trail to the other two and then stand them up and walk the whole group back to my car. In total, 11 were caught were. The other 4 got nabbed trying to make their way back west towards where they started in an attempt to crawl back through the hole they had cut in our drainage gate.
In one night, I caught 8 out of 12 total bodies in the Echoes, on a night when I wasn't even supposed to be there, and in an area where previous to that night I had only caught seven for the entire year.
Hooray me. And I think that brings my total to like 97 for the year which means I only need 7 more by December 31st to reach my goal of 104 so that I will have caught 2 a week every week for the whole year. It will still be difficult but, I think I can do it.
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| I hate this band so much |
[24 Nov 2009|08:49pm] |
Fact: Owl City's song "Fireflies" or whatever it is called is one of the worst fucking songs I have ever heard in my entire life. It is right up there with Chas Jankel's song "Number one". Every time the guy sings, I want to break all of his teeth out and make him swallow blood. And everytime that gay little pling plong keyboard starts chiming in at the very start, I seriously want to crack it over the head over whoever is playing it.
I know lots of people like it. But lots of people also like twilight, and that shit is about as awful as it gets.
If music could cause AIDS, this song would be a global fucking killer. So wretched. Owl City, I hope you rot in hell for eternity.
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| Horror movie, or my job? Same difference. |
[22 Nov 2009|03:05pm] |
Last night, the Mexy's tried using a 3 1/2 foot homemade axe to break through our fence. The tragedy is, our Remote Surveillance Operators notified the Mexican Police before telling us that they had thrown an axe over. Because if they had told me, I would have jumped over and got it because that would have been sweet.
I got to see it though, and it was pretty much a solid axe head welded to a length of steel pipe. Pretty awesome.
Further proof that my job is pretty crazy. Because how many jobs do you know of that include a requirement of: "Willing to chase after people possibly wielding massive axes".
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| Ow |
[19 Nov 2009|11:56pm] |
Today I got shot in the chest with this:
OW!
Will show a picture later. And now I am allowed to check that out at work which; is pretty sweet. One day I would like to just freak them out and check out everything I am allowed to. Just, walk up to the armorey with a shopping cart and ask for a shotgun, M4, Pepperball Launcher, Spike Strips, Night Vision, Thermal Camera... that would be great.
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| Why Clint Eastwood is awesome |
[18 Nov 2009|04:45pm] |
A quote from an new interview with Clint Eastwood from GQ "[The U.S. is] becoming more juvenile as a nation. The guys who won World War II and that whole generation have disappeared, and now we have a bunch of teenage twits,”
Awesome.
Proof that old people can be cool too.
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| HOT NEW SHOWS |
[18 Nov 2009|02:36am] |
I just saw a commercial for a new show called "CAMPUS PD!"
Fucking seriously? We already got shows for the paid parking authorities, Mall Cops, and now Campus Cops?
Here is a list of the next 3 HOT NEW SHOWS you can expect to see in the coming years as predicted by me:
1. The world moves fast, sometimes TOO fast which; is why TLC is excited to bring to you this fall CROSSING GUARDS! Five 12 years olds selected to make sure that that no one gets squished underneath a bus or ice cream truck or Chad Nelson's SUV since he hates when little fucking asshole kids cross the street in front of him and can't just fucking wait for his 2 ton car to pass their stupid asses.
2. School can be a dangerous place, and only a select few ever embrace this danger. The Discovery Channel is proud to present SAFETIES! Whether its making sure new students know where their class is located, or ummmmm, shit we don't really know what safeties are actually for. But we gave them a show regardless!
3. Have you always wanted to be a Gated Community Security Guard? Well, this summer you will get to live your dreams when Spike TV shows hours upon countless hours of these suburban heroes making sure that NO ONE gets into their gates community unless they have a permit, or unless the security guard is going to the bathroom, or talking on the phone, or eating a sandwich, or if he just got bored and decided to go for a half hour walk!
I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH THEM ALL! IT WILL BE SO AWESOME!
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| Tonight I should have gotten massive achievement point for what I did. |
[09 Nov 2009|02:07am] |
Tonight I did something that I have been trying to do since I arrived at my Border Patrol station. It is something numerous people have told me couldn't be done, and something most people wouldn't even attempt because of the extremely low chance of success.
HOWEVER!
I keep track of every single person I catch, and my goal is to catch 104 people in a year because that would break down to 2 people a week which; is awesome. Before tonight I was at 86, and now I am at 87. So basically, if I see an oppurtunity to catch someone I will. For me, it is like a giant Mexican game of Pokemon where I've gotta catch them all.
Anyway, I have talked about "The Channel" and Whiskey 3 or "W-3" before. Pretty much it is a concrete aqueduct similar to the one John Connor flees from the liquid Terminator in Terminator 2. The only differnce is that on the American side there is like a 15 foot fence that you need to climb unless you think you can run a 100 yards up a 75 foot wide concrete aqueduct without being seen. Here is a picture for reference:
What happens is, the Mexys get as close as they can without being seen and then a spotter on the Southside lets them know when it looks like an agent might not be paying attention and they ladder over the fence. It only takes them about one minute to do this which; is also sort of amazing. Also, where the picture says "US/Mexico Boundary there is currently a 4 foot high dirt mound that they like to hide behind.
So I am sitting at the position known as W-4 (which would be a little ways left of where the map cuts off) watching the channel to make sure no one tries any funny stuff. I see one guy walk into the W-3 tubes which; is where the map says "5 men were hiding here" so I drive down there thinking there is only one but, 8 scurry out from the tube and go back South.
I was sort of bummed because whenever anyone escapes back to Mexico it feels like a slap to the face. Maybe twenty minutes pass and five of the Mexys have the balls to come back and try to hide in the tube. It was right around shift change so I decided to hatch a plan.
As soon as the Midnight W-4 unit relieved me, I drove down to W-3 and asked the guy covering it on my shift if he would follow me out the door. I would do this myself but, it would be five on 1 and, being so close to Mexico... bad stuff could happen.
So he says yeah, and since I sprayed WD-40 on the W-3 gate earlier in the month I knew it shouldn't squeak like normal.
So super careful, like a fucking ninja, I open the massive iron door and start steathily creeping down the crazy inclined side of the concrete apron towards the tubes. About halfway there, their spotter on the Southside realized "OH FUCK! THEY'RE TRYING SOMETHING CRAZY" and began to whistle. As soon as I heard that I started running. Then he yelled something in Spanish which basically translated to "HEY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!"
Five men appeared surprised as hell out of the tube as I barreled down the concrete apron towards them. They literally only had to run maybe 15 feet and they would be in Mexico. However, I was running full tilt down a hill and they were starting from a dead stop. The guy holding the ladder was the first to run which also bums me out a little since, in a perfect world I would have caught him since... they are like the 100 point achievement.
All five of them tried to run but only four made it. The other one got a full force tackle into a dirt mound two feet from Mexico. When I got back up to W-3 the midnight shift agent that was watching the door for us said "Wow man, nice tackle" and when I drove past the guy who had taken over W-4 for me, he was just laughing. And that lets me know I have done a good job.
My only regret is that I wasn't wearing my dorky little Helmet cam. Hopefully soon I will get a new bulletproof vest that I can wear on the outside because then, I am positive I can attach my camera to it which; I promise you, will be some amazing and more than likely "Friends only" shit.
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| Here are some Halloween pictures. |
[05 Nov 2009|10:56pm] |
If you don't want to see tons of pictures then you might want to get out of here.
Seriously
Tons.
Ok, well if anyone left you just missed out on this:
Yeah that's right, Predator pities the fool that doesn't stick around for sweet sweet pictures. Moving on, have you ever wondered what Predator would look like wedged in-between a Hotdog and some Ketchup? I know, I HAVE WONDERED ABOUT THAT FOR FUCKING YEARS!
Well, we finally know what it looks like.
This next picture has NOTHING to do with Halloween but has everything to do with me being awesome! AHOY MATEY!
Guess who looks sexy inside the heart of a Russian Submarine? My girlfriend thats who!
BATTON THE HATCHES! SWAB THE DECKS! ALERT THE PRESIDENT! I'm in charge of this submarine like WHOA!
SURPRISE!
Here is one of the coolest pictures I have ever taken in my entire life. This shit is sweet. For serious:
From the people who brought you Kramer VS. Kramer comes, Predator VS. Predator.
Hahaha
And now, from the people who brought you Predator VS. Predator comes, Predator VS. my girlfriends boobies.
This was the only time the entire night that I felt short, because for the most part I am taller than everyone in San Diego. THANKS MEXICO!
This was, without a doubt, the best costume I saw all night. And I saw a LOT of costumes, but this outfit is fucking spot on which; is impressive.
I might not be Godzilla, but I will still battle Japan!
Despite being very friendly, I was still informed that all Predators go to hell.
Even God doesn't know who would win this battle.
In case you are getting sick of these pictures, here is a picture for the ages. Also, seriously if you are getting sick of these pictures what is wrong with you? This is a livejournal goldmine!
Last but not least, Predator always takes time to make sure that even nice old Asian ladies get some face time with the Predator.
So here you have it, another successful picture post. There were about a billion more pictures, I tried to weed them out and only post the best of the best even though that is still a lot of pictures. In other news, I am hoping to actually go as Shredder next year since I have been wanting to go as that for two or three years now. Maybe I'll start working on that costume soon.
Stay tuned and find out!
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| Awesome |
[05 Nov 2009|02:20am] |
So you're in the middle of the woods, waiting for some Mexys to come North. You're standing on a trail in the thick of night. Ahead of you are literally thousands of plastic bottles and other various garbage debris spreading across a 15 foot span and stretching 100s of feeet. Its foggy, and the whole situation feels like a zombie movie gone worse.
Because of the fogs condensation, the bottles creak and crack and you get the feeling that there is movement all around you. But you wait, and listen, and try to distinguish between feet breaking twigs and fog popping plastic.
On the radio, your friend asks if you're breaking brush. But no, you're just hunkered down waiting. He says he hears movement so you break from your position and start running East trying to pin the bodies in between him and you. There are thin trees and brush that you just plow through, closing the gap and...
This is why I think this story is awesome.
And, when you break through the brush you almost trip over a rock.
But then the rock moans.
And you realize you just kicked a human body that was trying to hide.
My job is awesome for numerous reasons. That is one of them.
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| More dummies |
[01 Nov 2009|02:30am] |
Tonight Nikki and I went to downtown San Diego to see people in neat costumes around 6pm.
Then I decided I wanted to dress up so I went home and put on my Predator costume since it is pretty sweet.
In addition to comments like "PREDATOR!" and "BEST COSTUME OF THE NIGHT!" and "Dude, Awesome!" I also received really really stupid comments similar to what I wrote about in the post below this. Some of those idiot comments were:
"Are you from District 9" - Ok, pretty stupid but, at least both are aliens so.... whatever, not too retarded.
"Are you from Starwars?" - Once again, seriously? But, I guess Boba Fett does sort of look Predatorish even though I don't think people are smart enough to make that connection.
HOWEVER, by far the dumbest comment was "OH LOOK, IRON MAN!"
Yeah, Fucking Ironman. Ironman, with dreads, and alien hands, and not wearing any red, with laser beams, and alien script that blinks on his arm. Of course, fucking Ironman!
All in all I took pictures with probably 100 people so, it was pretty fun.
Favorite costume of the night was probably Mugatu from Zoolander, will post pictures later. Word.
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| Fuck you stupid. |
[30 Oct 2009|08:01pm] |
Today Nikki and I went on a Russian Submarine, an American Submarine, a couple pirate ships, The Hustler Store, found a place that sells the best pizza I have ever had in my life, and heard one of the dumbest comments I have ever heard in my life.
This is that comment.
So, we are standing at a light waiting to cross and there are a group of people behind us. While we are standing there two people walk past us that are dressed up as Prince Nuada and Princess Nuala from Hellboy 2. Pretty good costumes too.
Well, if you haven't seen the movie... they are basically really pale human sized elves with crazy blonde long hair and regal looking outfits.
So they walk by, and the woman behind me says "WERE THEY STORMTROOPERS?"
Yeah lady. They were fucking stormtroopers. Because remember that scene in Starwars, where Luke is trying to sneak past the Stormtroopers and manages to slip past while they are busy combing the long beautiful hair that is flowing out through the top of their helmets? Probably the best part of the movie in my opinion.
Seriously, stormtroopers?
I totally understand not knowing what their costume is. Not everyone saw Hellboy 2, so if someone thought they were from Lord of the Rings or something I would get it. BUT FUCKING STORMTROOPERS?
I hate society.
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| Stupid California |
[29 Oct 2009|03:57pm] |
Two things people in California don't understand.
Turn Signals and Red Lights.
If you took a poll, and asked Californians "What is the stick thing next to the steering wheel that sometimes makes a clicking sound when your knee accidentally hits it" I'm sure some of the answers would be:
"Steering wheel knee blocker"
"Hair tie holder"
"Sort of like the cars appendix that doesn't have a real purpose but is left there as an evolutionary design flaw"
Because I never see turn signals here. And when I use my turn signal people look at me like "HOLY SHIT WHATS WRONG WITH HIS CAR! SOMETHING IS FLASHING! I THINK ITS GONNA EXPLODE!"
Additionally, in Michigan... on rare occasions I would see a person run a red light. Usually, it happens when the turn light flashes and the person thinks it is the light to go forward and mistakenly run the light.
Here, these dumb mother fuckers must think there is like a 5 second buffer zone after the light turns red. Because on at least 5 occasions, I have come to stop at a SOLID red light, only to have someone go around me so that they can go through the light.
Detroit has bad drivers, don't get me wrong. But compared to the fucking idiots here Detroit is populated with professionally trained race car drivers where CaliMexico has been trained by a monkey high on glue.
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| TRUTH |
[29 Oct 2009|02:17am] |
I think therefore I am.
If that's true.
Most people don't exist.
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| Don't pretend like you don't want to see pictures of my dog dressed as a squirrel |
[17 Oct 2009|02:14pm] |
Honestly, you can pretend all you want but in the end, we both know that you have secretly wondered what Kingston would look like dressed as a squirrel. Lord knows I have. Well kids, the mystery has FINALLY been solved. What we are looking at here is breakthrough in the evolution of dogs as we know it. Finally, there is conclusive proof that Squirrel-Dogs DO EXIST.
Now, we still don't know who let the dogs out, that mystery is more difficult to crack than the J.F.K. assassination. But, Squirrel Dog in my opinion brings us one step closer to understanding the motivations of the person who undoubtedly let those fabled dogs out. I present to you, SQUIRREL DOG!
Here is a picture of Squirrel Dog ROARING because we got too close to his territory.
WHOA SQUIRREL DOG WHOA! DON'T EAT ME! Fortunately he calmed down and smiled a little bit.
But as quickly as he smiled, he went back to being disgruntled and hating all of the bipedal carbon based lifeforms who try to steal his nuts.
This was the last image the photographer ever saw before being devoured by Squirrel Dog:
As you can see, Squirrel Dog distended his lower jaw and literally swallowed a full grown man whole. Fortunately, he left the camera for others to discover. I know, you are probably terrified right now, could there be a squirrel dog outside waiting to rip apart you or your children?
PROBABLY!
So watch your back, even in your car, in the shower, ESPECIALLY ON PICNICS. Watch your God Damn back. Because Squirrel Dog is real, and he is out there. Ready to rip your face off and store the face flesh in his adorable mouth pouch.
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| VICTORY IS MINE |
[17 Oct 2009|02:18am] |
I have been looking for a movie since like, 1994... I thought it was Videodrome but, it turned out it wasn't at all. I started to honestly believe that I dreamed the stupid fucking movie up and then tonight while Nikki and I were flipping through channels I saw something that looked familiar.
As it moved forward with a retarded plot I realized HOLY SHIT! THATS THE FUCKING MOVIE!
Its from 1986, and is called Terrorvision. When I tried to find it on Amazon, two other movies that came up were "The Stuff" and "Chopping Mall" which; should tell you what level of quality Terrorvision is. Anyways, there isn't any official dvd of it but, I found someone that is selling homemade version dvds that I will probably buy.
Because seriously, Terrorvision is awesome. Like crazy horrible awful retarded movie good.
FACT: If you watched Terrorvision / Chopping Mall / The Stuff... back to back to back, your brain would have an embolism and you would die. I promise. But I am happy now. Hooray for a 15 year quest coming to an end!
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| 24 hour mark approaches |
[15 Oct 2009|04:11am] |
And now a really stupid thought that is in my head for no apparent reason.
Earlier today I reached my hand up to my head
And realized it was covered in poo.
Fortunately for me
It was sham poo.
When you haven't slept in 23 1/2 hours your brain get really fucking dumb.
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| Cool things from the last few days. |
[14 Oct 2009|01:42pm] |
1. This wasn't a cool thing so much as a "scary horrible nooooooo / nightmare" thing. We were looking for a Mexy hidden somewhere on the side of a crazy steep hill and came to this area where there is a dead tree and two old tires. Well, I decided to jump from one tire to the other since, it was easier to walk on than the thick brush.
That would have been smart except, as my right foot began its slow nightmareish descent towards the second tire a few warning signs began to flash DANGER in my mind. Signs like "Hey, tires aren't supposed to be moving inside" and "Tires aren't supposed to make an escalating buzzing sound" and "BEES!"
As my foot touched the tire I realized it was filled with like at least 400 bees all crawling over each other. I didn't see a hive since, the tire was acting as there hive. As soon as I touched it I realized what was happening and told my co-worker "MCDONALD, RUN!" and off we went. Except, one of the bees was an over achiever and managed to sting me in the back of the leg.
Fucker.
2. Yesterday I saw a baby scorpion. So in addition to Rattlesnakes, black widows, mountain lions, and fucking BEES... I now have to worry about scorpions. AWESOME!
3. While chasing someone, and gaining on them I realized something. That something was "Oh fuck, I'm in Mexico" which; was followed by me jumping over a little pile of dirt and getting back into the sweet sweet freedom of America.
4. MY GIRLFRIEND MADE ME HALLOWEEN CUPCAKES. Mmmmmmm sweet cuppin cakes. They're so good, and I have tons more. You want one? All you got to do is visit. Mmmmmmmmmmm so so soooooo good. I love her.
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| Gay |
[14 Oct 2009|05:53am] |
Waking up at 5:30 in the morning is gay.
Waking up at 5:30 in the morning after having worked until 2 in the morning the night before is even gayer.
Usually I love my job, but sometimes man... Crazy gay.
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| I am for real |
[09 Oct 2009|02:07pm] |
Nikki and I were watching cribs today, and I wasn't paying attention because "Soulja Boy" was on but all of a sudden I heard "Oh my god" and sure enough... Soulja Boy had our entertainment center which was funny since, it was pretty much set up exactly like ours. Basically an XBOX-360 shrine except, instead of a giant picture of Soulja Boy on ours, we have a giant picture of Nikki.
So I'm pretty "Gangster" or "Hyphey" or "Fo' Real" or "Shizzy" or whatever else dumb is being said these days. Personally, I would stick with "rad" but "rad" isn't "rad" anymore, its just "lame".
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[08 Oct 2009|01:32pm] |
Ok first things first. This is going to be a big fucking entry. But I have only been posting like once a week and most of you are busy taking of your shirts on Facebook anyway and then posting the results via twitter onto livejournal without ever taking the time to actually check the site you are cross posting to so, it shouldn't bother you too much.
Before I commence what will surely be henceforth referred to as "The great photo rush of 2009" I would like to take the time to say that Zombieland was pretty good. I think my girlfriend liked it more than me and the only reason I had any qualms was because I guess I wanted more zombieage. Now, thats not to say I didn't like the friendship/love story miuxture thrown in. Because they made it work well. But if a movie is only 80 minutes, well, 60 of those minutes better have zombies running around damn it.
Speaking of movies, before I begin the picture posting you may want to take note that
THE NEW PREDATOR MOVIE entitled "Predators" which; was co-written by Robert Rodriguez finally released more cast details. They are as follows.
Adrien Brody ... Royce
Danny Trejo ... Cuchillo
Topher Grace ... Edwin
Alice Braga ... Isabelle
Mahershalalhashbaz Ali ... Mombasa
Oleg Taktarov ... Nikola
Topher Grace makes sense since he is supposed to be some creepy quiet guy serial killer, Danny Trejo is going to have twin uzis strapped to his back, and Adrian Brody is going to be the leader sort of like Hicks in Aliens. I love Predators, so this is awesome. A movie about a bunch of crazy bad-asses thrown into a hunting pit on the Predator homeworld = best idea ever.
No really, EVER! EVEN BETTER THAN THE KARATE KID!
Ok, so here is the first picture which; really has nothing to do with anything. But, I have never seen something like this in a thrift store and I almost bought it just as something to have around the house so that when people came over they could be like "Ummmmm, what the fuck?"
Yeah, nothing says "Walking" like a thrift store prosthesis!
I know you all are probably thinking to yourself "Listen Chad, that thrift store leg is pretty good, but unless you have some pictures involving a halloween themed entertainment center than I don't really care"
Well my friend, get ready to care!
Skulls, Check! Bottles with poison/Zombie labels, Check! Gears of War Chainsaw Gun, Check! Batarang, Check! Batarang case, Check! Enormous sword in the background, Check! Skeleton Mouse that my girlfriend named Alfie, Check! Hello Kitty Death Skeleton, Check! Yep, it is ALL THERE.
So now you are probably thinking, so what. So you've got the best entertainment center EVER, that don't mean SHIT if you don't have spiderwebs and police tape and tombstones on your front doors to scare away potential robbers and less than savory individuals!
OH SNAP! We will probably be adding more spiderwebs but for now, even if we didn't, that is still a pretty sweet frontdoor. All of our neighbors front doors consist of absolutely nothing so, that puts us ahead like 438593745 points to 0!
And if you think we stopped at the front door with our decorations then your thought process is ALL FUCKED UP because there is no way that would ever happen.
Yeah, that looks pretty sweet. But at night there is a red light backlighting the whole thing, and a strobe light, and when it is zoomed in people are like HOLY CRAP!
Because that shit is terrifying. Right now you are probably crying, and thats ok. Whether they are tears of ABSOLUTE HORROR or tears of ABSOLUTE ENVY either way, if a robot saw your tears he would think to himself "Beep blop bloop, stupid humans" Case in point:
Bender doesn't give a good God Damn about your human eye leaks. I finally found a old timey mannequin for Bender to be propped up on so now, my house has a life size 7 foot tall Bender in it to compliment the life size Predator.
Sweet!
This means that at any random moment of the day if I decided, hey... I feel like hanging out with a 7 foot tall robot. Guess what? Yeah, I totally can.
That concludes my totally awesome picture extraveganza except wait! NO IT TOTALLY DOESNT!
Thats one of the big creatures from Halo punching me in the head. Why? Because why not.
Also, for future reference... If you are going to post twelve million pictures in your livejournal of either your kid, or a concert, or your car, please make sure they are as interesting as these picture.
Also, they will NEVER be this interesting so yeah, figure it out.
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